From Overwhelmed to Empowered: Making Confident Decisions in Pregnancy and Postpartum

Written by Beth Connors, MSN, CNM, APNP, Owner of Family Focused Midwifery in Waukesha, WI

Pregnancy today comes with endless information and opinions. Advice flows in from social media, online forums, friends, family, and medical professionals, and the constant noise can feel overwhelming. Yet even with so much guidance available, many women feel more anxious, uncertain, and overwhelmed than ever before.

They wonder:

Am I making the right choices?

What if I do something wrong?

What if my provider doesn’t listen to me?

How do I advocate for myself without feeling “difficult” or confrontational?

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. And more importantly, there is another way.

We are passionate about helping women move from overwhelmed to empowered, because when women feel confident and supported, their entire pregnancy, birth, and postpartum experience changes.

What My First Birth Taught Me About Advocacy

With my first baby, I was healthy and low-risk. I trusted the system completely. I assumed that every recommendation was necessary and that my role was simply to be a “compliant patient”.

When I went to the clinic for a routine prenatal visit, I was already six to seven centimeters dilated, but wasn’t feeling contractions. I was forced to be admitted to labor and delivery in “active labor” and what followed was a cascade of events that I didn’t understand at the time.

I was admitted quickly, told to put on a hospital gown, and an IV was started. Antibiotics were given to me for being GBS positive and continuous monitoring began. My water was broken because it was considered the “next step”, but no one explained that I had options or that I could have declined or deferred any of these things.

The pain intensified quickly after my water was broken, without any warning. I labored for several hours until I was 10cm dilated and was positioned on my back in the bed. All I wanted was to be on hands and knees, but was forced to push on my back for four hours. Not a single position change, even though I was unmedicated and completely capable.

Eventually, I was told I had reached the limit and I was not allowed to push longer, so had to decide between a vacuum delivery or a cesarean. I chose the vacuum, because I didn’t want surgery, but neither was explained to me. I had significant tearing, hemorrhaged, and experienced a long, difficult postpartum recovery. My baby was taken to be assessed across the room in the warmer by NICU nurses, and I didn’t hold her for over an hour. She was perfectly healthy, but was told I had to wait until after my repair was done to hold her.

There were medications given that I didn’t know about. I didn’t understand what was happening to my body or what was being done to me. I didn’t know that I had choices.

At the time, I didn’t question any of it. It was my first birth. I assumed this was normal.

But a few months later, I graduated from nursing school and became a labor and delivery nurse. I witnessed women who had completely different experiences. Women who were informed, calm, and involved in their care. That contrast changed everything.

It made me ask:
Why did my experience feel so different?
What does true informed consent look like?
How can we center women and families in their own care?

This became the foundation of my work as a nurse and now, midwife.

Awareness of Options

With my second and third births, my awareness grew. I began asking more questions. I learned to sit with discomfort when something didn’t feel right, but speaking up wasn’t easy. Even as a nurse and midwife, it felt challenging at times to go against the standard of care.

But every time I asked a question or requested an alternative, I felt more empowered.

My second and third labors were fast and intense. My second was in the hospital and it was a chaotic experience. The birth and recovery went smoothly and I was ready to go home shortly after, but had to advocate for an early discharge for me and my baby.

This was a large part of choosing a home birth with my third. I wanted to feel a sense of control for who attended my birth, but also to have those beautiful bonding moments postpartum uninterrupted in my own home. I remember lying in bed that night with my baby on my chest. My husband was sleeping beside me and my older daughters were sleeping as well. Everything was quiet and peaceful. I felt safe. I felt relieved. I felt ownership of my experience and a huge sense of accomplishment.

I did this. These were my choices.

And even though that birth wasn’t perfect, that sense of ownership and support changed everything.

This is what I want for every family. Not a perfect birth, but a supported and informed one no matter how it unfolds.

The Problem Isn’t Hospitals

Medical care is essential and hospitals save lives. Collaboration between providers is incredibly important in all settings.

The problem is not hospitals. The problem is that women are often not encouraged to be engaged in their care.

Short prenatal visits.
Limited time for questions.
Standardized protocols.
Pressure to move things along.

Many women enter pregnancy without understanding what to expect. They don’t know what questions to ask. They don’t know their rights. They don’t know they can participate in decisions.

When women are educated, outcomes improve. Satisfaction improves. Mental health improves. Families feel stronger.

The goal is not to reject medical care, the goal is partnership. This starts with families being engaged in their care no matter where they give birth.

What Women Are Really Afraid Of

In my work with families across Wisconsin, I see the same fears over and over again:

Fear of unnecessary interventions
Fear of not being heard
Fear of hospitals
Fear of pain and uncertainty
Fear of something going wrong
Fear of being rushed
Fear of not knowing what to expect

Women often feel pressure around:

Induction at 39 weeks
Cervical exams starting at 36 weeks
Breaking the water in labor
Pitocin to “speed things up”
Continuous monitoring
Newborn procedures
Newborn feeding expectations

These moments can feel overwhelming when you don’t know your options.

But when you do, everything changes.

The Most Important Thing Every Pregnant Woman Should Know

You have choices.

You have the right to ask questions.
You have the right to understand your options.
You have the right to take time in non-emergent situations.
You have the right to be an active participant in your care.

Your provider brings medical expertise.
You bring your values, intuition, and lived experience.

The best outcomes happen when both matter.

The RAINBOW Model for Confident Decision-Making

When you hear a recommendation, it can feel intimidating to ask questions. Many women worry about being labeled “difficult” or “noncompliant”.

That’s why I teach the RAINBOW model, a simple framework to guide decision-making and keep you calm and curious in the moment.

R – Risks or Research
What are the risks of this intervention? What are the risks of waiting?

A – Alternatives
Are there alternatives to address this concern?

I – Intuition
What does your intuition tell you once you understand the information?

N – Nothing
What happens if we do nothing?

B – Benefits
What is the benefit of this recommendation?

O – Obligation
Is this required, or is it optional?

W – What will I choose?
After considering everything, what feels right for you?

This shifts the dynamic from fear to collaboration.

A Real-Life Example

I worked with a coaching client recently who was told she needed an induction at 39 weeks because her baby was measuring “too big”. She felt scared, defeated, and unsure what to do next.

We talked through her risks, alternatives, and options. We discussed physiologic birth and the limitations of ultrasound estimates. It was the informed decision conversation she was looking for.

She chose to wait.

She went into labor at 41 weeks and delivered a healthy 8-pound baby.

What changed wasn’t the outcome. It was how she felt. She was confident, calm, and excited. She felt ownership of her experience.

All she needed was someone to listen and help her navigate this situation, and I was so grateful she trusted me.

The Power of Prenatal Education and Trust

In my practice, prenatal visits are typically an hour long. Of course, we assess vital signs, labs, and well-being for mom and baby, but most of the visit is spent in conversation.

We talk about:

Nutrition and supplements
Interpreting labs
Emotional health
Anticipating upcoming decisions
Preparing for moments of pressure
Building a support system
Planning for postpartum

This is where empowerment happens.

If difficult, unplanned situations arise in labor and birth, families feel calm because they’ve already thought about their options and they have a supportive team to guide them.

Postpartum Empowerment and Continuity of Care

The postpartum period is one of the most vulnerable times in a woman’s life. Many women feel dismissed, rushed, and unsure how to ask for help.

Support makes the biggest difference.

I recently worked with a mother who wanted to leave the hospital early to be with her older child. We collaborated with the hospital and pediatric team to ensure her baby could receive newborn screenings at home with me. It wasn’t about declining care, it was about honoring the reasonable request to be able to rest in her own bed that night, calm and supported.

This is what individualized, collaborative care looks like and I was so grateful to be on her team.

A Vision for Birth Culture in Wisconsin

I am passionate to help create a culture where:

Women are educated and engaged.
Providers collaborate.
Families are supported.
There is no judgment about how someone chooses to give birth.
Every woman feels like the most important person in the room.

Whether someone chooses an epidural or not, hospital or home birth, breastfeeding or formula, vaccination or not; these are deeply personal decisions.

We can educate, guide, and support, but ultimately, the decision belongs to the family.

Ready to Feel Confident in Your Pregnancy?

If you’re looking for this kind of support, I would love to connect. Family Focused Midwifery is based in Waukesha and serves families across Wisconsin, with both in-person and virtual care options. You don’t have to navigate pregnancy and postpartum alone.

Please reach out to schedule a conversation and explore your options.

While you briefly wait for our response, we invite you to check out the podcast, Your Birth Bestie: The Best Pregnancy Podcast for an Informed and Fearless Birth!